I do not wish for them not to speak Chinese.
I love my own ability to speak Chinese.
I love the Chinese people, and the American Chinese diaspora.
And I love my children.
I love them so much that I want to talk with them. I want to talk with them in a language that is not a barrier to our communication. And I want to connect with them on a deep level.
I speak Chinese with my parents. And although they can speak English, it is very unnatural for me to speak English with them. Never in my life have I been able to communicate clearly with my parents. Yes, I can tell them simple things like what I’m up to and how their grand kids are doing. But to reach them on a heart level is very difficult.
It was not until college that I learned certain words in Chinese. Words like science, history, basic, such as, government, or even though. Just trying to explain to my mom tonight that we had installed a patio took a long time. All I could say was that we put in a big piece of cement. My heart aches over this and even now I weep for the chasm between us. What else can I not say to my own parents?
So to Ma and Ba, I’m sorry that you will not be able to speak your own language to your beloved grand kids. To Christian, Juliana, and any other kids that the Lord may give us – I’m sorry that you will have even less ability than me to talk with Yeh Yeh and Nai Nai. I’m sorry that you will not understand me when I talk on the phone with them. I’m sorry that you will have been so close to this beautiful language, yet have missed out on it entirely. It was because I loved you and wanted to share my heart with you that I have not taught you Chinese.
My name is Mike Tong and I live in Minneapolis with my wonderful wife Catherine, my son Christian, and my daughter Juliana.
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Thank you for sharing this heart felt (grief?).
As a grandparent I grieve at the thought of not being able to communicate with my lovely grandchildren and at the thought of not being able to communicate with my own children.
May God add his blessing to your beautiful family. May He give comfort and healing where needed.
Mike,
I found your blog through Jessica’s–great anagrams btw. I am touched by your post and that it points to the richness of the English language that we, native speakers, often take for granted. Thanks for the blessing!
Terri
But Mike,
If you teach your kids Chinese, you may learn it better and be able to have more meaningful conversations with your parents. And, your kids might grow up to be mighty missionaries to China!?
Just a thought
Joseph
Mike, my deepest regret to your children. If only you realize your difficulties on not being able to communicate fully with your parents is because of your lack of proficiency in that language, not the language itself. The least you can do is expose them to the opportunities, instead of no opportunities at all.
I’m just speaking from experience (failed, to be exact). My sister and I were both given the opportunity to learn Chinese outside classroom (We live in a country whereby if you cant converse well in Malay and English, we are basically doomed) Like you, my parents wanted the best for us. They wanted to give us all the opportunities to compete in the cruel workplace. However, they purposely hired a Chinese tutor for us and some of our friends(parents with the same agenda). I didn’t like the language..the best essay I ever written was filled with the word ‘bu dong’ (don’t know). My sister, surprisingly loved the subject and was the only non-Chinese educated student in my school to sit for Chinese paper in SPM (equivalent to ‘O’ level, if I’m not mistaken) and didn’t fail (haha).
What I am trying to say is to give your children a chance to know the language. Whether they like it or not, want to pursue it or not should be entirely up to them.